An eventful journey

In a flat in England, a boy called Jake and he has a friend called Jacob. They are both ten years old and they like football. Jake is very good at football. Jake and Jacob are very sensible, although he is sometimes rude. At some point he is nice and at some points he is rude. They live in a tall flat, with no dirt or anything on the wall. They live in the top floor and it is very high. Jake looks like a person you can rely on. If he doesn’t like eating juicy fruits he eats pizza.

At the hygienic flat, it is very noisy because below there  are people shouting so loud people outside the flat may hear the noise. They make us deaf by the loud noise from below. Coming from down below, Jake could smell food drifting into his nose and he feels very scared as he is on his own, very lonely, in a flat. I think that the person creating the ear deafening is a baby bursting into tears.

I was bored sitting on my comfy sofa, I decided to go on a eventful journey which should  fun and make us active. If it isn’t fun this journey will be a whole lot of uselessness. They moved to a massive park full of playing things like a swirly slide, swings and many others. In the distance there was a frozen pond. They said ” that it has to be fun” so they went ice-skating on a thin layer of ice. Suddenly, feeling disappointed, Jake fell in the frozen pond and had no way out but just to call the ambulance to save our life. In Jake’s mind, he said ” I don’t want to die.”

He fell in suddenly because of the weight of him, made the ice break and he fell in the  icy pond. Immediately, they called the ambulance and they said” it will take four hours to get there on feet,” because of the weather conditions. It was very snowy and blobs of snow like ice cream splatted on the floor. The paramedic’s are  very tired and their legs are aching. The paramedics  leg might fall of  because of all the tiring walking.

In four hours they arrived at the colossal park and were pulling Jake out of the frigid pond to save his life. Without wasting any time, they got brave Jake out of the bitter pond and placed the coat on Jake to warm himself up. Jake got home feeling cold and drank hot tea to cool him down.

Wondering in the massive city he can not find his way back home. One hour later, he still does not know his way and he will be living nowhere but in the middle of a busy city. They will be sleeping on the dirty floor. Jake was really sad and lonely and luckily, he found his way home feeling happy.

can you give me some feedback?

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2 thoughts on “An eventful journey

  1. WWW: You have checked your work and you have added lots of information.
    EBI: Next time don’t use They and Jake as a openers a lot.
    Can you tell what he did when he got home.

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